Many people spend a lot of time and energy trying to get rid of their upsetting thoughts and worries. The newest research in helping people who are overwhelmed by their worries and intrusive thoughts is to encourage people to stop trying to get rid of them. This may seem strange, because it is the opposite of what you feel like doing, and that is why therapists call this the “anxiety paradox.” Therapists have discovered that the more you try and get rid of your thoughts the harder it is to get rid of them. When you learn to accept them and detach from your thoughts they will no longer have power over you.

For example, suppose someone told you to stop thinking about a pink elephant. Immediately you would probably get a visual image of a pink elephant, even though you were told not to do this. The more you try not to think of a pink elephant, the more it comes to mind. This is the paradox in action the more you try to rid of specific thoughts, images, and memories, the more they will take control of your mind and even your actions.

Current thinking is to stop struggling with your worries and just accept them. Don’t try to distract yourself. Don’t try and change your thoughts. Certainly, don’t try and dull your thoughts with drugs or alcohol. And don’t pretend that your anxieties and worries don’t exist.

Instead, as difficult as this sounds, just accept your worries, detach from them and observe them without reacting to them in an emotional way. Try and “objectify” your worries, remembering that your thoughts are just thoughts, they have no special powers.

Below are three metaphors that can help you understand and practice the principle of detaching from your worries by objectifying your thoughts and just observing them. After you read the different metaphors, you should practice using them several times a day. Even if you are not worrying at the time, you should still practice using these visual metaphors

Don’t Struggle in Quicksand

When you struggle to get out of quicksand you sink in deeper. When you relax and float, you will eventually find that you are able to swim or walk out of the quicksand. Contrary to popular movies, quicksand does not “suck you down.” Quicksand is usually shallow and when you stop struggling it is easy to get out. Try using this metaphor to stop resisting your worries. Imagine that your worries are a pool of quicksand. Struggling will make it harder for you to get out. Accepting your worries as just thoughts and not real dangers will rob them of their power. When you stop struggling, your worries lose their power over you. Just walk away.

Watching the Worry Train

Imagine that your worries are on a train. Each car contains a different worry. Visualize each car of the train and then think for a moment about the worry that is in each car. Now sit back and visualize this train pull out of the station. Watch it as it rounds the bend and then continues on a journey out of sight. Relax and visualize this metaphor. Then rate how you feel.

Clouds Floating By

Think about something that you are worried about. Say this worry out loud and visualize the worst thing that could happen. Now take a photo in your mind of that worry. Imagine that photo is resting on a cloud. Don’t do anything to make the cloud go away, but just let it go where it wants. Watch it from the ground and see what happens to it.

For more advice on how to manage upsetting thoughts and worries contact EAP Assist.