Five Steps of Forgiveness
A. Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused.
B. Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or punishment.
C. Consider the other parties perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behaviour.
D. Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on others.
E. Extend compassion and good will.
Four Stages of Forgiveness
1. Gaining insight into whether, and how, the injustice and subsequent injury have compromised his or her life. Confronting anger and shame. Becoming aware of potential emotional exhaustion. Becoming aware of cognitive preoccupation. Confronting the possibility that the transgression could lead to permanent change for them. Discovering how the transgression changed their view of the world.
2. Gaining an accurate understanding of what forgiveness is, and making a decision to commit to forgiving on the basis of this understanding
3. Gaining a deeper understanding of the other party and beginning to view the other in a new light (reframing), resulting in positive change about the self, and about the relationship. Showing empathy and compassion. Bearing the pain. Giving the moral gift of forgiveness.
4. Finding meaning and growth. Consideration of times when you have needed other’s forgiveness. Knowing that we’re not alone. Becoming aware that forgiveness allows us to feel more connected with others and to experience decreased negative emotion.
Forgiveness Quotes
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” Thomas S. Szasz
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” Oscar Wilde