Quick Tips for Managing your Anger
Acknowledge and identify your anger
Anger is a feeling. It resides in the body. It is a natural body response. There is no shame and nothing to feel guilty about in expressing a feeling. The cause of the guilt and shame is in the inappropriate reaction to the anger. Learn to recognize your anger and the early warning signs when you are triggered. It may be revealed by tense muscles, frustration, disappointment or a tendency to use sarcasm. It is often preceded by a judgment you make or an opinion you have.
Know the reason
Identify the reason for your anger. It may be obvious, such as a careless driver backing into your car or it may be subtle such as kicking a tire because you left the car jack at home.
Take time out
In cases where anger is causing physical or emotional abuse, get away from the source taking time out until tempers have cooled.
Communicate your feelings
Saying you are fine or OK is not expressing feelings. Contact someone in your support network. Talking things over is often the best way to manage your anger. You can also journal how you feel about what happened, and your views on a problem. By using a journal it will bring clarity to the situation
Use time management
Time management is about creating time to think about the consequences between the event and the reaction. Use time management to allow you to evaluate a situation rationally and calmly and respond appropriately. This may take an hour, a day or a week.
Decide what to do and follow it though
Decide what course of action is best suited for you to resolve the problem that is the source of you anger. Consider for example, whether clear communication, assertiveness or time management is the best solution. Once a course of action is decided upon, take positive steps to follow it through. Remember that what others do and say is a projection of their own reality onto you. When you are immune to the opinions, projections, behaviours and actions of others, you will not be a victim of needless suffering any longer.
Strategies for Defusing Anger in Others
Listen to the person and be open to learning.
Acknowledge the other person’s model of reality – it’s ok to have a different opinion.
Accept the other person’s position and take responsibility for your own actions.
Empathise try to experience what the other person is saying in order to support them in being heard and seen.
Clarify ask questions in order to make sure you understand what it is they are saying and wanting.
Allow time to let the person say what they need to, without interrupting or trying to fix them, and also allow them to calm down.
Agree to disagree there is no right or wrong just different options.
Recognise anger has its own natural cycle.
Go for win / win find an agreeable solution for all parties concerned.
Re-assure this allows the person to trust you and themselves in the situation.
Own up to your behaviour, this supports the other party in doing the same.
