Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life.
It’s natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview or a
first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable.
You worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get
anxious thoughts out of your head and it interferes with your daily life.
Constant worrying, negative thinking and always expecting the worst can take a
toll on your emotional and physical health. It can sap your emotional strength,
leave you feeling restless and jumpy, cause insomnia, headaches, stomach
problems and muscle tension, and make it difficult to concentrate at work or
school. You may take your negative feelings out on the people closest to you,
self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or try to distract yourself by zoning out
in front of screens.
If you’re plagued by exaggerated worry and tension, there are steps you can
take to turn off anxious thoughts. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can
be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more
balanced, less fearful perspective.
Why is it so hard to stop worrying?
Constant worrying can take a heavy toll. It can keep you up at night and make
you tense and edgy during the day. And even though you hate feeling like a
nervous wreck, it can still be so difficult to stop. For most chronic worriers,
the anxious thoughts are fuelled by the beliefs—both negative and positive—that
you hold about worrying:
Negative beliefs about worry. You
may believe that your constant worrying is harmful, that it’s going to drive
you crazy or affect your physical health. Or you may worry that you’re going to
lose all control over your worrying—that it will take over and never stop.
While negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, adds to your anxiety and
keeps worry going, positive beliefs about worrying can be just as damaging.
Positive beliefs about worry. You
may believe that your worrying helps you avoid bad things, prevents problems,
prepares you for the worst, or leads to solutions. Maybe you tell yourself that
if you keep worrying about a problem long enough, you’ll eventually be able to
figure it out? Or perhaps you’re convinced that worrying is a responsible thing
to do or the only way to ensure you don’t overlook something? It’s tough to
break the worry habit if you believe that your worrying serves a positive
purpose. Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can
regain control of your worried mind.
How to stop worrying tip 1: Create a daily
“worry” period
It’s tough to be productive in your daily activities when anxiety and worry are
dominating your thoughts and distracting you from work, school or your home life.
This is where the strategy of postponing worrying can help. Rather than trying
to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it,
but put off dwelling on it until later.
Create a “worry period.” Choose
a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. in the
living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t make you
anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to worry
about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free
zone.
Write down your worries. If
an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief
note of it and then continue about your day. Remind yourself that you’ll have
time to think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now.
Also, writing down your thoughts—on a pad or on your phone or computer—is much
harder work than simply thinking them, so your worries are more likely to lose
their power.
Go over your “worry list” during the worry
period. If the thoughts you wrote down are still bothering
you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve
specified for your worry period. As you examine your worries in this way,
you’ll often find it easier to develop a more balanced perspective. And if your
worries don’t seem important any more, simply cut your worry period short and
enjoy the rest of your day.
Tip 2: Challenge anxious thoughts
If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worry, chances are you look at the world
in ways that make it seem more threatening than it really is. For example, you
may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump
immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every anxious thought as if it
were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems,
assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These types of
thoughts, known as cognitive distortions, include: All-or-nothing
thinking, Overgeneralization, Focusing on the negatives while filtering out the
positives Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count, Making
negative interpretations without actual evidence, Expecting the worst-case
scenario to happen, Believing that the way you feel reflects reality, Holding
yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, Labelling
yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings and Assuming
responsibility for things that are outside your control.
How to challenge these thoughts
During your worry period, challenge your negative thoughts by asking yourself:
What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?
Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen? If the probability
is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt
me?
What would I say to a friend who had this worry?
Tip 3: Distinguish between solvable and
unsolvable worries
Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious.
Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and
makes you feel like you’re getting something accomplished. But worrying and
problem solving are two very different things.
Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps
for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, on the
other hand, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend
dwelling on worst-case scenarios, you’re no more prepared to deal with them
should they actually happen.
Is your worry solvable?
Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For
example, if you’re worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to
see about flexible payment options. Unproductive, unsolvable worries are those
for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or
“What if my kid gets into an accident?”
If the worry is solvable, start brainstorming. Make
a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung
up on finding the perfect solution. Focus on the things you have the power to
change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control. After
you’ve evaluated your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and
start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious.
If the worry is not solvable, accept the
uncertainty. If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast
majority of your anxious thoughts probably fall in this camp. Worrying is often
a way we try to predict what the future has in store-a way to prevent
unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn’t work.
Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more
predictable. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying
the good things you have in the present.
Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain?
What is the likelihood they will?
Given the likelihood is very low, is it possible to live with the small chance
that something negative may happen.
Ask your friends and family how they cope with uncertainty in specific
situations. Could you do the same?
Tune into your emotions. Worrying about uncertainty is often a way to avoid
unpleasant emotions. But by tuning into your emotions you can start to
accept your feelings, even those that are uncomfortable or don’t make sense.
Tip 4: Interrupt the worry cycle
If you worry excessively, it can seem like negative thoughts are running
through your head on endless repeat. You may feel like you’re spiralling out of
control, going crazy, or about to burn out under the weight of all this
anxiety. But there are steps you can take right now to interrupt all those
anxious thoughts and give yourself a time out from relentless worrying.
Get up and get moving. Exercise
is an effective anxiety treatment because it releases endorphins which
relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and enhance your sense of well-being.
Even more importantly, by really focusing on how your body feels as you move,
you can interrupt the constant flow of worries running through your head. Pay
attention to the sensation of your feet hitting the ground as you walk, run, or
dance, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of the sun
or wind on your skin.
Take a yoga or tai chi class. By
focusing your mind on your movements and breathing, practicing yoga or tai chi
keeps your attention on the present, helping to clear your mind and lead to a
relaxed state.
Meditate. Meditation works
by switching your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past
to what’s happening right now. By being fully engaged in the present moment,
you can interrupt the endless loop of negative thoughts and worries. And you
don’t need to sit cross-legged, light candles or incense, or chant. Simply find
a quiet, comfortable place and choose one of the many free or inexpensive
smartphone apps that can guide you through the meditation process.
Practice progressive muscle relaxation. This
can help you break the endless loop of worrying by focusing your mind on your
body instead of your thoughts. By alternately tensing and then releasing
different muscle groups in your body, you release muscle tension in your body.
And as your body relaxes, your mind will follow.
Try deep breathing. When
you worry, you become anxious and breathe faster, often leading to further
anxiety. But by practicing deep breathing exercises, you can calm your mind and
quiet negative thoughts.
Tip 5: Talk about your worries
It may seem like a simplistic solution, but talking face to face with trusted
friend or family member-someone who will listen to you without judging,
criticizing, or continually being distracted-is one of the most effective ways
to calm your nervous system and diffuse anxiety. When your worries start
spiralling, talking them over can make them seem far less threatening.
Keeping worries to yourself only causes them to build up until they seem
overwhelming. But saying them out loud can often help you to make sense of what
you’re feeling and put things in perspective. If your fears are unwarranted,
verbalizing them can expose them for what they are—needless worries. And if
your fears are justified, sharing them with someone else can produce solutions
that you may not have thought of alone.
Build a strong support system. Human
beings are social creatures. We’re not meant to live in isolation. But a strong
support system doesn’t necessarily mean a vast network of friends. Don’t
underestimate the benefit of a few people you can trust and count on to be
there for you.
Know who to avoid when you’re feeling anxious. Your
anxious take on life may be something you learned when you were growing up. If
your mother is a chronic worrier, she is not the best person to call when
you’re feeling anxious—no matter how close you are. When considering who to
turn to, ask yourself whether you tend to feel better or worse after talking to
that person about a problem.
Tip 6: Practice mindfulness
Worrying is usually focused on the future—on what might happen and what you’ll
do about it—or on the past, rehashing the things you’ve said or done. The
centuries-old practice of mindfulness can help you break free of your worries
by bringing your attention back to the present. This strategy is based on
observing your worries and then letting them go, helping you identify where
your thinking is causing problems and getting in touch with your emotions.
Acknowledge and observe your worries. Don’t
try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply
observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.
Let your worries go. Notice
that when you don’t try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they soon
pass, like clouds moving across the sky. It’s only when you engage your worries
that you get stuck.
Stay focused on the present. Pay
attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your
ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you
find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back
to the present moment.
Repeat daily. Using
mindfulness to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes
time and regular practice to reap the benefits. At first, you’ll probably find
that your mind keeps wandering back to your worries. Try not to get frustrated.
Each time you draw your focus back to the present, you’re reinforcing a new
mental habit that will help you break free of the negative worry cycle.
Basic mindfulness meditation
Find a quiet place
Sit on a comfortable chair or cushion, with your back straight, and your hands
resting on the tops of your upper legs.
Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose, allowing the air downward
into your lower belly. Let your abdomen expand fully.
Breathe out through your mouth.
Focus on an aspect of your breathing, such as the sensations of air flowing
into your nostrils and out of your mouth, or your belly rising and falling as
you inhale and exhale.
If your mind starts to wander, return your focus to your breathing with no
judgment.
Try to meditate 3 or 4 times per week for 10 minutes per day. Every minute
counts.
