Menopause is a highly personal journey and compounded with the menopause transition, we become sensitive and emotional, and often withdraw. Our partners, meanwhile, are scratching their heads wondering what they’ve done “wrong”. We all turn inwards and self-soothe from time to time, but if we’re not communicating with our other halves, there can be a lot of hurt feelings, cross words and misunderstandings.
It can be a tough time for women but can be equally as tough on the men who care about them. The woman may not even realise that she’s in perimenopause until she puts the pieces of the puzzle into place, perhaps with a little help from Dr Google and YouTube. Let down also by health practitioners from a lack of information, a lack of diagnosis, and in some cases, an outright denial of symptoms, if we don’t even understand what’s going on with our bodies, how could our partners possibly know?
What might start out as mild fatigue, the occasional sleepless night or a hot flush here and there (symptoms will vary), can gradually develop into a whole range of worsening symptoms including weight gain, migraines, sleep disturbance, hot flushes, bladder issues, loss of libido, mood changes and breast or joint pain.
It would be easy (and unfair) to generalise by saying that men just need to show a little more understanding and compassion, but it’s not that simple. Clear communication really does benefit both parties and is the responsibility of both. All relationships go through tests and trials, and many can come through the other side stronger than before.
Menopause causes changes in the female body, mainly through the decreased production of estrogen. Some women have very few symptoms and it’s over quickly, while others can be hit with a host of unpleasantries that last a long time. Understanding the symptoms can help you recognise them as they arise and anticipate how they will affect your partner.
Ask your partner directly how they are feeling, and how you can support them. Understand that their mood swings may be driven by the changes in their hormones and be erratic and disproportionate to the issue at hand. Try to stay compassionate and supportive rather than reactive.
Encourage (and model) healthy lifestyle changes and activity such as strength training, walking, dancing or yoga – or suggest an activity you could do together. Try to keep some playfulness and fun in your together time; suggest something new to break out of stale routines and unhelpful habits.