Five tips in dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner:
1. Be upfront early on
If you have noticed that your partner is always guarded when it comes to expressing emotions, then let them know how you feel about it. From the very start be clear of what you expect and what you want from them. If they are willing to be truthful and open with you, then take the relationship forward. But if they refuse to divulge more about themself then take the hint and leave before you get seriously involved. Pay attention to the facts, otherwise you will be left with nothing but pain.
2. Identify the reason
If you know that your partner loves you but seems withdrawn for some reason unknown to you then try to find out what it is. Some people build walls around themselves to hide their weaknesses. They do that to maintain a good image for you and make you love them. They protect themselves by showing only their tough side to you to gain your trust. In such a case, you need to show them that you love them and accept them with their flaws. They need to know that it is OK to have weaknesses and that you will support them and their choices in any situation. But keep in mind that you will not be the solution for them, for a real change they may need therapy and chances are that they may be aggressive towards you and threatening to leave the relationship rather than accepting help.
3. Ask them directly
If you feel that your partner was not always emotionally so distant and that it has been happening recently, then talk it out with them. Ask them what’s troubling them and the reason for this changed behaviour. Tell them how you feel about this sudden change and that you are prepared to hear even something unpleasant from them. If they do open up and say something that you may not like to hear then do not be harsh with them. Reacting angrily will make them recoil in a shell, and they may never be open about things with you. Always listen to them patiently. Sit together and see how you can overcome the problem together. But you need to protect yourself, do not accept abusive behaviour.
4. Shift your focus
If talking to them does not work then try to give them some space. We often need time to think over things and consider our choices. Give them time, they will be back once they have resolved the issue and will appreciate you for being so considerate. Do not prod them excessively to speak up. Instead, shift the focus to yourself. Get involved with things that interest you and be busy with them. This will help you grow as a person and will make your relationship stronger.
5. Do not try to fix them
We may tend to try and change them hoping to make them better individuals. but we need to realize that we cannot really change a person. If you do not like something about them, ask yourself the reason for it. Try to see if you can ignore it or get used to it. Attempting to change someone will only earn you their contempt, not love.