Do you, or someone you know … tend to criticise others? … keep anger bottled in until it explodes? … get upset when others disagree? … withdraw from people you’re angry with? … feel uncomfortable with settling differences? … become guilty or ashamed after being angry? … take anger out on the wrong people? … get easily depressed? Failing to manage anger happens to everyone, but using the following can help us gain control over your feelings:

Notice anger rising: Learn to recognise early warning signs: tense muscles, frustration, disappointment or sarcasm. Anger is often preceded by a judgment you make or an opinion you have.
Acknowledge your anger: Anger is a feeling and a natural bodily response. There’s no shame in expressing feelings. The cause of a lot of guilt and shame is inappropriate expression of the anger.
Identify the reason for your anger: It may be obvious, like a careless driver backing into you. Or it may be subtle, such as kicking a tyre because you left the car-jack at home.
Take time out: When anger causes physical or emotional abuse, taking time out is the best course of action until tempers have cooled (getting away from the source).
Follow the 6 Rules of Anger Management: Talking things over is often the best way to manage your anger.
1. Stop & Think. Take a look at the bigger picture creating time to think about the consequences between the event and your reaction.
2. It’s okay to have a different opinion: Opinions are not facts! They are only what you think. Use the LOVE acronym: Listen, Observe, Verify, Empathise
3. Listen: When you are speaking you are not listening. You may learn something from the other person. Observe: Tone, emotions and body language. Verify: Feedback (what you have heard, perception checking and clarification).
4. Empathise: Speak from the heart. Use your support network This is a group of people you can call on when you need to talk so your anger doesn’t get out of control.
5. Keep a journal: This is a useful way of letting your anger out. Journaling builds clarity. Record how you feel about what happened, and your views on a problem. Your journal can be used as and when you need it.
6. Don’t take anything personally Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others do and say is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to their opinions, projections, behaviour and actions, you will not be a victim of needless suffering any longer.
Decide and take action Clearer communication, assertiveness or time management are various solutions to an issue. Once a course of action is decided upon, make sure you follow through with it.

Guide for resolving issues with others:

1. Give yourself and the other person enough time to do the clearing.
2. Tell the person that all you want them to do is just listen to you.
3. The other person doesn’t need to justify their behaviour, only listen.
4. Offer them the opportunity to give you feedback at the end of the process.
5. Do not be attached to an outcome, the process may not go the way you want.
6. Do not confuse your judgments and feelings when sharing information.
7. Be certain of the facts before the process.
8. Remember it is about you, not them.
9. Rehearsing the clearing process with someone else can help.

Template for the conversation: (Before you begin: Ask for 5-10 minutes without interruption).
1. START BY SAYING: “I feel angry with you” rather than “You’ve made me angry”.
2. BECAUSE: “I asked you to shovel a path through the snow before lunch and you agreed”.
3. WHAT I WANT IS: “When I ask you to do something that you have agreed to, to please do it.
4. I’LL ADMIT THAT: “Sometimes I also do not follow through on my commitments”.
5. SHARE: You could ask the person for feedback, remembering that it is ABOUT YOU.
Or, the other person may choose to clear with you.
ALL YOU NEED: is for that person to hear how you feel and know what you think.
BOND: Often this can be a very powerful process for both of you.