Forgiveness is one of the most freeing and healing acts you can offer yourself and others. When someone has hurt us, it’s natural to feel anger, sadness or betrayal. Yet holding on to these feelings can weigh us down and hold us back from moving forward. Research shows that forgiveness improves mental and physical health, reduces stress and enhances relationships. It’s not about condoning harmful behaviour or forgetting the past but about freeing yourself from the burden of bitterness.
The REACH technique is a five-step process and provides is a practical approach that guides you through forgiving someone who has hurt you. It focuses on replacing negative emotions like resentment with empathy and understanding. Here is how it works:
1. R – Recall the Hurt
The first step is to face the hurt head-on. Instead of avoiding or suppressing painful memories, reflect on what happened. This doesn’t mean dwelling on the pain or justifying the wrong but rather acknowledging the full extent of your feelings. Recall the event as objectively as possible, without embellishment or minimisation. Recognising the hurt allows you to process it and begin the journey toward letting it go.
2. E – Empathize with the Offender
Empathy is at the heart of forgiveness. This step involves putting yourself in the shoes of the person who hurt you and trying to understand their perspective. Ask yourself why they may have acted the way they did. Did they act out of fear, ignorance, or their own unresolved pain? While empathy doesn’t excuse their behaviour, it can help you see them as a flawed human being, rather than solely as the source of your pain.
3. A – Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an act of generosity. Think about times in your life when you’ve hurt someone and were forgiven. Reflecting on this can help you find the strength to offer forgiveness to others. By viewing forgiveness as a gift, you empower yourself to release anger and resentment, not because the offender deserves it, but because you deserve peace.
4. C – Commit to Forgive
Forgiveness is a decision, and like any decision, it requires commitment. Write down your intention to forgive or share it with a trusted friend. This step reinforces your resolve and helps you stay accountable. Remind yourself that forgiveness is a process—it doesn’t mean the pain instantly disappears, but it sets you on a path toward healing.
5. H – Hold on to Forgiveness
Forgiveness can be tested over time, especially when painful memories resurface. The final step encourages you to hold on to your forgiveness. When old emotions arise, remind yourself of your commitment. Practice mindfulness or other techniques to focus on the present instead of rehashing the past. Holding on to forgiveness allows you to experience lasting peace.