If you are thinking that some of the boundaries in your relationship could do with a “do over”, then maybe it is time to sit down over a coffee and begin a discussion around what boundaries you have and what needs to change and hopefully the guidelines below will help:
- The law of sowing and reaping: Our actions have consequences.
- When we do loving, responsible things people draw close to us. When we are unloving or irresponsible, people withdraw from us.
- The law of responsibility: We are responsible to each other but not for each other.
- You need to avoid taking ownership for your partners life.
- The law of power: We have power over ourselves, we don’t have power over others – including changing people.
- Partners often use boundaries to assert power over their mate, and it doesn’t work. Mature adults desire the freedom of others as much as their own.
- The law of respect: If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs.
- No one can love another if he or she feels that they don’t have a choice not to.
- The law of motivation: We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes.
- No partner in their right mind really wants a mate who complies with their wishes out of fear.
- The law of evaluation: We need to evaluate the pain our boundaries cause others.
- Just because someone is in pain doesn’t necessarily mean something bad is happening.
- The law of proactivity: We take action to solve problems based on our values, wants and needs.
- Proactive people solve problems without having to blow up.
- The law of envy: We will never get what we want if we focus outside our boundaries onto what others have.
- The most powerful obstacle to setting boundaries in a relationship is envy. Envy is miserable because we’re dissatisfied with our state, yet powerless to change it.
- The law of activity: We need to take the initiative in setting limits rather than be passive.
- Active partners have an edge in boundary setting. Doing nothing, or being passive, stunts boundary development and growth in a relationship.
- The law of exposure: We need to communicate our boundaries to each other.
- Don’t wait for your spouse to take the first step. Assume the first move is always yours. A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working.