Mindful communication is not about having no opinion or never feeling uncomfortable. Discomfort is often a part of the process, and yet at the same time, mindful communication does not require that we engage in any and all discussions. Communicating in more mindful ways is simply about paying attention to how you relate to the other person in the exchange. It is simply an invitation to consciously consider: What might I want to bring with me to the table? How am I approaching this and is there a different way? What nourishing things can I do when tensions run high?
Tips for Hard Conversations
Whether you engage in debate at home or at work or somewhere in-between, there are a handful of practices and insights you can consider to maintain a sense of peace or at least to make peace possible. Consider the following during your next difficult conversation.
Remember that we share our humanity
Remaining mindful of our shared humanity is one of the most important insights that we can connect with when discussing difficult topics. It is something that is easy to forget, but at the end of the day, we all long for the same things: to be loved, to be safe and for our loved ones to be loved and safe. When you are mindful of shared humanity, you are more likely to be curious about why another person holds the views that they do rather than jump to judgments or condemnation. If you are in the midst of a heated debate, take an inward pause by tuning into the heart space and reconnecting with the capacity for compassion despite our differences.
Consider what motivates views and beliefs
Where you grew up, the types of parents you had, and the obstacles and opportunities you encountered along your life journey all influence the views and beliefs you hold. It’s easy to forget this, mistaking your own perspective to be universal and your personal experiences to be indicative of an absolute truth. Due to life’s complexity, this isn’t the case. As you become more curious about what makes others think the way they do, consider the journey and experiences that have led someone to hold differing views to our own.
Take breathing breaks
Breathing breaks can happen wherever you are. If you are seated around the table, you might take a quiet moment to soften your belly and notice your breath’s flow. Take a longer pause by heading to the bathroom. If you are communicating online and the conversation is heated, remember that you don’t need to respond right away and by taking a longer pause before getting back to the keyboard, you allow time for strong emotions to settle and greater clarity and compassion to enter through your responses.
Take the debate offline
Talking about work online can leave plenty of room for misinterpretation, little room for nuance and risks forgetting that shared humanity. If you find yourself in a heated debate with someone you know consider proposing a conversation over the phone or in-person instead. This can help you to remember that you aren’t debating with a computer. You are talking to a human with feelings, emotions and needs not so unlike your own.
