Expectations are defined as a strong belief that something will happen, that someone will or should do something. The problem of expectation occurs when we expect something to happen without good reasons for that expectation. Many of us at some point have mistakenly believed that expecting other people to behave the way we want, will actually make them behave that way. One member of a couple might expect the other to walk the dog. This is fine and good if the other person is happy to do so. But what happens if the other person has no interest in living up to that expectation? We feel shocked, morally indignant and resentful.
Expecting life to always turn out the way you want is guaranteed to lead to disappointment because life will not always turn out the way you want it to. And when those unfulfilled expectations involve the failure of other people to behave the way you expect them to, the disappointment also involves resentment. Ways to be able to better manage your expectations include:
- Define expectations clearly and early and communicate them to others.
- Be honest and realistic about what you can deliver and what you need from others.
- Communicate frequently and provide updates with regards to changes.
- Take the time to reflect and think about what expectations you are placing on those around you – are they realistic?
- Take the time to reflect on the expectations you are placing on yourself – are they realistic?
Managing expectations is all about checking that your thinking is not unrealistic and unspoken. The key to not experiencing resentment and disappointment is good communication. If you are feeling that your either letting yourself down or others are letting you down begin by reviewing your expectations and then how you might be internally or externally communicating these.