Grief is a reaction to a significant loss and is a normal human process that is necessary in making sense and coming to terms with ‘who’ or ‘what’ has been lost. The process is a ‘journey’ involving the following:
1. A deep sense of loss.
2. Protest: ‘why’, shock, confusion, numbness, anger and physical symptoms.
3. Searching: Trying to process and make sense of it all in mind and body.
4. Despair: Anguish, slowed thinking/actions, depression.
5. Reorganization of life: Intermittent interest in plans/activities, possible detachment/indifference, occasional bursts of energy.
6. Reinvestment in moving forward: Resuming daily activities and managing to cope whilst still experiencing ‘ups and downs’ around anniversaries/significant dates.
Helpful Ways of Expressing Grief:
A starting point for the expression of grief is often attendance at a funeral or memorial service, or whilst visiting a memorial site. Such ceremonies and rituals provide avenues for grief to be expressed and differ according to culture/group norms.
It’s important for those who have experienced the loss, to be open and honest about their feelings and to reach out and contact friends, neighbours or family members who are willing to listen, when needed.
Unfortunately, there is no ‘normal’ timeframe to grieve, no instant cure, and it’s necessary to allow time to go through the process which is unique to all. Time for readjustment is also important and there may be mood swings/ups and downs experienced during the process.
Having realistic expectations of self and others is helpful and it’s preferable to avoid making any big decisions during this time. Feelings of exhaustion, brain fog, and a lack of motivation are considered a ‘normal’ part of the grieving process.
Gradually there’s an understanding that the relationship with the loved one who has died is not over. It has changed to a reliance on memories, some of which the bereaved may want to talk about and share with others.
Developing a personal ‘tool kit’ when feeling sad or having mood swings could include:
• Going for walks and/or taking time out to deal with thoughts and feelings.
• Starting a journal to write or draw in can be therapeutic for many. It can also be helpful to look back at this ‘down the track’ as change has likely occurred.
• Alternatively, a compilation of special photos may be helpful.
• Breathing techniques, meditation
• Spending time in nature.
• ‘Grounding’ such as observing what is apparent in the immediate vicinity and focusing on a few objects to bring the awareness back into the present.
• Practicing being in the ‘now’, not past or future,
• Listening to music or engaging in art or sporting activities to divert attention.
• Monitoring critical/negative thoughts e.g. imagine turning a volume control down or using other strategies such as compartmentalizing ‘negative’ thoughts in a sealed container and diverting/refocusing attention on helpful thoughts.