It’s typical to have down days where you feel you can’t seem to do anything right. But feeling insecure about yourself all the time can take a toll on every aspect of your life, from your physical health and emotional well-being to how you perform at your job. The good news is there are ways to build up your self-esteem. While it won’t happen overnight with the right strategies and mindset, you can take steps toward changing the way you feel about yourself.
Affirm your value
Take inventory of everything you’re doing right. Chances are your thoughts about yourself aren’t taking into account the hundreds of positive micro-decisions we make on a daily basis. Remembering how you assisted your manger during an important meeting can help you focus on your contributions rather than shortcomings.
Take care of your needs
If you’re always looking after everyone else’s needs and forgetting your own, you may not be valuing yourself enough. Adding more self-care into your daily routine can help you counter negative thoughts and build up your self-worth. Here are some ways to do so: Do your favourite exercise/activity at least 30 minutes each day, unplug from your phone or take a social media detox or practice self-compassion; talk nicely to yourself. Even just making sure you’re eating regularly and prioritizing sleep can give your self-worth a boost.
Embrace the awkward
There are going to be moments when you fumble — it’s just part of life. But accepting this fact can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. The next time you find yourself feeling embarrassed or self-conscious, try to laugh it off.
Change negative thoughts
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves after stumbling or making a mistake. But beating yourself up because you didn’t score that promotion or forgot to make an important phone call keeps you stuck in a negative cycle of shame and self-loathing. Try to practice countering your negative thoughts as they come up:
• Forgive yourself and understand these are isolated instances that don’t define you as a person.
• Write down your negative thoughts so that you can step back and simply observe them.
• Consider what you’ve learned from the experience and re-focus on the positive. How has this taught you to create a better outcome in the future?
Spend time with caring others
There’s nothing like surrounding yourself with loving, supportive people to build up your confidence and make you feel accepted for who you are. Make a plan to set up more coffee dates and get-togethers with your nearest and dearest. Seeing yourself through the eyes of those who care about you will help you appreciate your own unique qualities and perspectives.
Avoid troubling situations
Think about the times you’ve felt especially insecure. Who were you with? What were you doing? Noticing the people and situations that deflate your self-esteem can help you pinpoint what to avoid. If you’re surrounding yourself with so-called “friends” who make it a habit of pointing out your flaws, it’s a clear sign to find better company.
Reflect on the good
Celebrate your successes and talk yourself up when you’ve had a big win at work. Being proud of what you do, even if it seems awkward at first, can have a powerful effect on your self-esteem. Keep a reminder on hand to help boost your confidence throughout the day by:
• saving compliments people have given you on your desktop or notes app
• writing out all of your accomplishments to review them when you’re feeling insecure
• taking a few minutes each day to list three things you appreciate about yourself
Do things that bring you joy
Prioritize spending free time doing things that bring you joy and happiness, whether it’s curling up with a book or cooking a good meal from scratch. Even better, consider learning a new skill or taking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Aside from making you happy, mastering a new skill is a good reminder of your talents and interests.
Focus on baby steps
Overcoming insecurity and building up self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight. Try to be kind to yourself during this process, and don’t get discouraged if things aren’t improving as fast as you’d like them to. Even if you don’t feel confident today, the small baby steps you are taking now will eventually grow into bigger steps and keep you moving forward.