In any workplace, people bring more than just their skills and job titles, they bring their full selves. That includes the challenges they may be facing outside (or inside) the workplace: personal loss, mental health struggles, burnout, family stress or life transitions.
You might notice a colleague acting differently. Maybe they seem withdrawn, easily agitated, more emotional than usual or just not themselves. In these moments, it’s natural to feel unsure of what to do. You might think: Should I say something? Will I make it worse? Is it even my place?
The truth is, saying something with care and compassion can make a meaningful difference. While you’re not expected to act as a therapist, simply showing support can be a powerful act of human connection.
Spotting the signs
Everyone has bad days, but patterns over time may suggest someone is emotionally struggling. Watch for:
- Withdrawal from team conversations or activities
- Drop in work performance or missed deadlines
- Noticeable changes in mood or behaviour
- Increased irritability or emotional reactions
- Physical signs like tiredness, looking unwell, or frequent absences
Starting the conversation
Reaching out takes courage, but it doesn’t require perfect words. The most important elements are privacy, sincerity, and empathy. Here’s how you can approach it:
1. Choose the right moment
Find a quiet, private space and a time when neither of you are rushed. Don’t initiate the conversation in the middle of a busy team meeting or when emotions are already high.
2. Use gentle, open-ended language
Here are some example phrases you could use:
- “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit quieter than usual lately. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
- “You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with, but I’m here if you want to talk.”
- “I’ve noticed some changes and wanted to ask if there’s anything I can do to support you right now.”
- “You’ve seemed a little upset lately. I get that things can get tough — is everything okay?”
Listen without trying to “fix”
If they open up, listen actively. That means:
- Giving them space to speak
- Not interrupting or jumping in with solutions
- Acknowledging their feelings (“That sounds really hard” or “I can imagine that’s overwhelming”)
Avoid saying things like:
- “You’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”
- “At least it’s not as bad as…” (comparison rarely comforts)
- “Just snap out of it.”
Instead, validate their emotions. You can say:
- “Thanks for sharing that with me — that takes courage.”
- “That sounds like a lot to carry. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
- “It makes sense that you’d feel that way given what you’ve shared.”
Respect boundaries
Not everyone will feel comfortable opening up, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to pry — it’s to let them know they’re not alone. If they aren’t ready to talk, your gentle check-in still sends a message of support that may help down the track.
You might say:
- “No pressure to talk about it — just know I’m around if or when you ever want to.”
- “Even if we don’t talk more about it, I’m still here to support you however I can.”
Encourage professional support
If it seems appropriate, you can gently suggest seeking professional help — but always with sensitivity.
Try saying:
- “Have you thought about speaking to someone about how you’re feeling? There’s no shame in it — sometimes a neutral voice really helps.”
- “I know our company has EAP Assist — they offer free, confidential counselling if you want to talk to someone outside work.”
Avoid pushing them or making it sound like a directive. The emphasis should be on options, not obligations.
Keep it VERY confidential
If your colleague shares something vulnerable, treat it with respect. Don’t gossip or pass it along to others — unless you believe they are at risk of harming themselves or others, in which case, seeking help from HR or a wellbeing officer is appropriate and necessary.
Be a supportive teammate
You don’t have to be their therapist, but small acts of kindness can mean the world:
- Check in occasionally without pushing.
- Offer practical help, like covering a shift or extending a deadline.
- Include them in team activities, even if they seem hesitant.
- Be patient if their usual performance dips temporarily.
