Below are 9 steps to help improve your self-work:
Recognition
The most important first step is acknowledging that you feel this way, not because you aren’t good enough or loveable, but because you have developed a belief that you aren’t. Beliefs are not facts and they can be changed. However, first it’s important to recognise that you will never feel good enough by relying on external validation and that this must come from the inside. You can choose to love yourself and decide your opinion matters and that you are good enough. To improve self-worth a new belief has to be learnt and only you can change it.
Awareness
Using a journal or a thought diary reflect on the ways that low self-worth impacts on your life. For example, do you seek approval for everything you do? Or do you worry what other people think and fear rejection? Do you put pressure on yourself to get everything right or take things personally in friendships? Doing a thorough inventory will help you notice when it’s happening in daily life.
Challenge your assumptions
Low self-worth means we will interpret the world around us in a way which fits that inner narrative. This means we will jump to conclusions about what people think of us and focus on our weaknesses rather than strengths. To improve self-worth, acknowledge that “your thoughts are not facts” and start to record them and generate alternative explanations. This can feel tricky at first as we often do not believe our new thoughts but over time we can develop more realistic thinking.
Daily affirmations
When you notice feelings of low self-worth are triggering stress in daily life, pause and offer a validation. This can be something like “I am noticing I am anxious because I am worried about rejection” but then say to yourself “but I know that I am loveable”.
Act as if you are already good enough
If we don’t feed good enough it will feed into many aspects of our behaviour which can cause stress. This can depend on the person, but common examples include worrying if you let people down, feeling unable to make decisions or not speaking up. If you are finding a situation stressful and suspect that low self-worth is causing it then ask yourself “what would I do or how would I feel if I already felt good enough”. Whatever comes up try to work towards that behaviour.
Regulate your emotions
Experiencing low self-worth means your fight and flight system will be triggered more easily and you are therefore more likely to experience stress and anxiety. Being in a constant state of “threat” means it’s harder to get perspective and offer yourself kindness. Learning tools to regularly ground yourself and practice deep breathing helps you activate your soothing system which help to cultivate self-love and calm.
Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness helps us to change our relationship with our thoughts and feelings. This is helpful because low self-worth means being caught up in unhelpful, self-critical thinking in response to events which reinforces how we feel about ourselves. Setting up a regular mindfulness practice is an act of self-care and will also help to regulate your emotions long term.
Cultivate self-compassion
Self-compassion means making a conscious effort to notice when you are struggling and treating yourself as a friend. Rather than being a soft option, it involves learning how to face your difficulties whilst offering yourself empathy and helpfulness rather than judgement. People who lack self-compassion are much more likely to experience low self-worth and there is now overwhelming evidence that it improves a variety of mental health problems. However, if you feel you struggle to do this then be aware that it’s a skill you can learn and practice.
Take up journaling
Improving your self-worth is a long journey and following all the above steps may feel overwhelming. Research shows that writing can be very therapeutic as it helps to clarify thoughts, get perspective and generate new ones. Buy yourself a beautiful journal and, even if you don’t write daily, regularly note how self-worth has triggered difficult feelings and how you can reframe your experience.
Working on Self-worth
