The typical workplace is made up of individuals with different personalities, different skillsets, different roles and responsibilities and different ways of managing and communicating with each other, so it’s no surprise that sometimes things go wrong. Relationship threats and relationship repair are part of working life however they can have a strong and powerful negative impact among the people who have experienced a disagreement, which can in turn cascade out to co-workers, the team, the department and even the whole organisation.
When there is an event such as an altercation or a disagreement between people in the workplace, it creates a relational injury or shock to the nervous system. Lots of small shocks can build up to cause potential problems. This could express as anxiety, sadness or anger and can make those impacted can become more defensive in their thoughts and behaviours. The most common reparation for a relationship threat is for the one party to apologise to the other. However, an apology may not be enough to fully repair a damaged relationship. In order to repair trust in the relationship, both parties need to make sense of the incident and come to an agreed understanding.
Very often a negative event may be a supervisor providing negative feedback to a worker, which is a natural course of events in the workplace. This usually triggers some short-term shame in the worker, which serves as motivation for the worker to do better. However, it may also cause the worker emotional exhaustion, so it’s important to support a worker through the process, and recognise they are experiencing heightened emotions at this time. Focusing on the positive outcomes of the incident is a good idea, such as improved professional and personal skills.
Many positive outcomes may result from a rupture in the workplace, if the parties involved are willing to grow through the experience. Whether repairing a relationship with a supervisor, supervisee or co-worker, or working on your own self-repair can result in benefits for you and ripple out to the whole company. Here are some possible actions you could take for positive outcomes:
• Take responsibility for your part in any incidents at work in the knowledge that mistakes are part of life, and they are an opportunity for you to learn and grow.
• Forgive yourself in order to move forward. It’s important to be kind to yourself and to keep your inner critic at bay.
• Practice self-reflection.
• Speak up and stand by your values, it’s important to be true to yourself, whatever the result.
• Consider the incident as an exercise in perseverance and resilience.
• Talk directly with any people involved and if you have wronged someone, apologise or ask for forgiveness.
• Have empathy for those involved.
• Try to discharge negative emotions like guilt, through self-compassion and self-care.
• Focus on the positive elements of your organisation’s work and achievements and the positive results that you and your co-workers achieve.
• Consider the positive consequences of restoring your relationships and reputation.
• Be proud of any updates to policies or processes which may result from the event.
• Remember that repairing ruptures in the workplace may take time but can lead to long-term benefit for you and the company.