Negotiation refers to people finding an acceptable solution to a shared problem. If you have a hard time getting what you want and believe, “If I don’t get exactly what I want, I don’t want anything at all!” This way of thinking, often referred to as “black and white thinking,” will often lead to disappointment, anger and resentment.

If you are able to effectively negotiate, you might not get everything you want, but you will likely get some of what you want. Just as important, you can also leave the door open for future negotiations and discussions.

Anger, resentment and hurt feelings have no place in a positive negotiation. So, what are the skills you need to negotiate effectively? You can use the VASE technique as a guide for productive negotiating:

Validate that you see where the other person is coming from – and then explain where you are coming from.

Ask for a compromise. Is there a way for both of you to get what you want?

Suggest alternatives. What are you willing to give up? Giving in is not losing; remember, getting part of what you want is better than getting nothing.

Express yourself. Use a kind tone rather than approaching the other person in an angry or aggressive manner.