Challenging people-pleasing is difficult, especially when dealing with the discomfort that comes from setting boundaries and asserting yourself, but below is how you can manage both:
1. Acknowledge the Discomfort
- Name the Feeling: Recognize and label what you’re feeling—whether it’s guilt, anxiety or fear of disapproval. Understanding that these feelings are a normal part of breaking the habit can help you cope.
- Accept the Discomfort: Accept that discomfort is a natural part of growth. Remind yourself that it’s temporary and will lessen over time as you become more comfortable asserting your needs.
- Prepare Yourself Mentally
- Visualize Success: Imagine situations where you confidently say “no” or express your true feelings. Visualizing positive outcomes can make it easier to act in real-life situations.
- Plan Your Responses: Before entering situations where you might feel pressured, plan out how you’ll respond. Having a script can reduce anxiety and make it easier to stick to your boundaries.
- Practice Gradual Exposure
- Start Small: Begin by setting boundaries in low-stakes situations. As you get used to handling small discomforts, gradually move on to more challenging scenarios.
- Build Tolerance: Over time, you’ll build tolerance to the discomfort. Each time you successfully assert yourself, your confidence will grow.
- Focus on the Long-Term Benefits
- Remind Yourself Why It Matters: Keep in mind that reducing people-pleasing will lead to healthier relationships, more self-respect, and greater overall well-being.
- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge your efforts and successes, even if they seem small. Recognizing progress can help you stay motivated.
- Practice Self-Compassion
- Be Kind to Yourself: Understand that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable or make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in the same situation.
- Affirm Your Worth: Regularly remind yourself that your value is not dependent on others’ approval. Use affirmations like, “I am worthy of respect,” or “It’s okay to put myself first.”
- Learn to Sit with Discomfort
- Mindfulness Techniques: Practice mindfulness or meditation to help you stay present with your feelings without being overwhelmed by them. This can help you observe discomfort without letting it control your actions.
- Breathing Exercises: When you feel discomfort rising, deep breathing can help calm your nervous system and reduce anxiety.
- Seek Support
- Talk It Out: Share your experiences with trusted friends, a support group, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can make it easier to handle discomfort and stay committed to change.
- Role-Playing: Practice assertiveness with someone you trust. This can make real-life situations feel less intimidating.
- Reflect on the Positive Outcomes
- Notice the Benefits: Pay attention to the positive changes that occur when you stop people-pleasing, such as feeling more authentic, having more time for yourself, and forming more balanced relationships.
- Journal Your Journey: Write about your experiences, feelings, and the changes you notice. Reflecting on your progress can reinforce your commitment to change.