Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs and needs directly, openly and honestly while not violating the personal rights of others. Assertiveness does not in any way mean being aggressive. Aggressive behaviour is self-enhancing at the expense of others. It does not take other individuals rights into consideration. Benefits of assertiveness include:
- Developing your communication skills
- Allowing you to feel self-confident
- Increasing your self-esteem
- Help you to gain the respect of others
- Improve your decision-making ability
How to Develop Assertiveness Skills
- Be direct, honest and open about your feelings, opinions and needs. State reasonable requests directly and firmly. State your goals or intentions in a direct and honest manner. State your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic. Being responsible for your own behaviour will let you feel good about yourself.
- Do not let your friends or fellow employees impose or force their behaviors, values and ideas on you. Instead, let them know what you think, feel and want.
- Be honest when giving and receiving compliments. Never put down a compliment and don’t feel you must return one.
- Learn to say no to unreasonable requests. Use the word “no” and offer an explanation if you choose to. Do not apologize and do not make up excuses. Paraphrase the other person’s point of view. This will let he/she know that you hear and understand the request.
- Avoid “why” questions. ” Why” questions allows the listener to be defensive.
- Recognize and respect the rights of your friends and co-workers. For example if you are upset with them use “I” and “we” statements to express your feelings, instead of blaming and finger pointing “you” statements.
- When communicating with others use an appropriate tone of voice and body posture. Maintain eye contact. Tone of voice should be appropriate to the situation. Stand or sit at a comfortable distance from the other person. Gestures can be used to emphasize what is being said and the word “I” and “we” should be used in statements to convey your feelings. For example, it is more appropriate to say “I am very disappointed that you didn’t show up as planned”, instead of saying, “Man, you are a jerk”.
- Ask for feedback.