We’ve all been in a situation at work where emotions rise and people become angry or defensive. There was a time in the recent past when people in positions of power were even able to openly display anger in the workplace. Back then, it was widely regarded that displays of anger were associated with power and status. Thankfully, the workplace has evolved, and recent studies have shown that anger is now regarded as an overreaction and is highly detrimental to improving anyone’s status at work. Evidence now shows that anger results in stress, poorer performance, lower job satisfaction and increased absenteeism.
Why does anger flare in the workplace?
From an evolutionary perspective, anger is an adaptative response which is designed to help us to bargain for better treatment. Anger at work is triggered when someone feels devalued by someone else, and this can take a multitude of forms. Perhaps you are feeling that you are not being acknowledged for the work you do. Perhaps you have been wrongfully accused of an action which was not your fault. Perhaps a competitive colleague has undermined your decisions and is advocating for their value over yours. Examples of feeling like you have been unfairly treated in the workplace are almost limitless, so it’s not surprising that anger can flare from time-to-time.
What happens when we are triggered?
When anger flares, a cascade of cognitive, physiological and behavioural responses can be set into motion, depending on the scale, proximity and intensity of the threat. The anger response is rapid and designed to focus the attention of the offender. Anger occurs on a spectrum from mild irritation to full-blown rage. As intensity increases, there is a “boiling point” where we lose connection with the executive functions of the brain, which usually keep us clam and regulated. This is where anger boils over, and our response becomes automatic and we are no longer in control.
It is important to be able to identify when you are triggered in the workplace. It’s vital to become familiar with these feelings and signs as they are important messages which can help you to either regulate your own behaviour, or take yourself out of a situation which is escalating.
What can you do if you become frustrated or angry at work?
If you are triggered at work, expressing your feelings when you are heightened is never a good idea, as it can quickly escalate into conflict. Here are ten strategies for coping with a situation which has made you feel dysregulated and how you can move forward:
- Pause and breathe.
You do not have to say anything in the moment. Focus on taking deep breaths into your belly and breathing out slowly through your mouth. - Take a break.
Quietly and respectfully express that you’d like to take a break or make your excuses to use the bathroom (if you are in a care situation working with a dysregulated client, ask for assistance before removing yourself). If you can, get out into the fresh air and look at the sky. If you aren’t able to go outside, splash some cold water on your face. - Be mindful
Employ some mindfulness techniques to help you quiet the thoughts that have triggered you. Focus on what you can see, hear, smell and the sensations of clothes on your body or your feet on the ground. - Delay the conversation
When you have gained composure, return to the person who triggered you. Let them know that you would like some time to consider the situation and revisit the subject at another time. If you have been disciplined by a manager, thank them for their feedback and ask them for time to consider what they have said. - Get curious
When you have some free space, ask yourself why you reacted that way. Rather than focusing on the injustice of the situation, be radically honest with yourself. What was really happening? Has this happened before? Are you reacting from a past experience? Think about the situation from their point of view. Was there any truth in their assertions? What were their motivations? What part did you play in the event? - Journal it out
Write down all the elements of the situation from your viewpoint and the viewpoint of others. Journalling can help to externalise inner frustrations and help to reduce their intensity and bring clarity to the situation. - Talk to a friend`
Seeking the input from somebody outside the situation can also help to clarify why the situation has made you frustrated, and what has brought you to this point. A non-judgemental third party may be able to provide a different perspective for you. - Weigh up your options
Consider the best course of action for yourself and evaluate the consequences of the options. You can be really creative here and look at lots of different scenarios, from apologising to maintaining the status quo to resigning, to asking for a promotion. In evaluating the consequences, you must put your own needs first. This might be the need to keep your job, or smooth over a relationship in the short-term, while you plan an exit strategy. - Identify your needs
Through the course of this process, you may have uncovered the core reasons for feeling undervalued in the moment. This is important information as it may be a signal of your core needs, or a misalignment of your values. Reach out to an EAP Assist counsellor if you want to investigate these further. - Redraw healthy boundaries
If you have identified that you have been repeatedly treated poorly, or that you are undervalued, then it’s important to re-set healthy boundaries. When you are calm and regulated, it is much easier to say no and to ask for what you need. Honouring yourself will help to keep anger in check.